A Lead I Like

Bush to Visit With Troops at Walter Reed

By JENNIFER LOVEN

Associated Press Writer
WASHINGTON — President Bush carries a promise of better treatment for neglected war veterans on a tour of Walter Reed Army Medical Center Friday, but critics questioned the timing of the visit six weeks after shoddy conditions were exposed there.
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I like this lead because it is tight and focused. The words are concise and anything superfluous has been omitted. It presents the who, President Bush, the what, a promise of better treatment, the where, Walter Reed Army Medical Center, and the when, Friday. Also, it ends with a teaser that induces the reader into continuing with the article. Instead of presenting too much information, it tells of Bush's critics questioning his motives but does not give away the entire argument. The usage of the word "but" will catch readers' attention because it connotes a controversy. In addition, the two verbs used are active voice instead of passive voice. "Carries" and "questioned" are much stronger than if the writer used "has promised" and "have questioned." What's more, it leaves ample opportunity for the writer to insert quotes from both President Bush and his critics within the article. This is because the lead presents the each side's point-of-view.

There is not much that I do not like about this summary lead. However, if I must critique something, it is that the writer was not very creative in this lead. It is your typical lead and may fail to seduce readers into reading the article because of its predictability. While it will suffice, I think it could be made a little bit more original.